Please see Creative Mindfulness Kids Mindful Parenting Course which is free of charge to you and offers detailed instruction on this topic, this course is optional but is highly recommended

Just like any other aspect of our lives we can bring mindfulness to our parenting.

We can begin by bringing mindful presence to our interactions with our children. We can do this by bringing our presence and our attention to our children when we are with them, in a sense our children become the object or anchor for our attention. We can notice when our mind wanders to other thoughts when we are with our children and then we can kindly and gently bring the focus back to our interactions with them.

We can practice mindful listening with our children. As they are talking, we can bring our full attention to what they are saying and when our mind wanders, we can gently and kindly bring our focus back to what they are saying. We can also show that we have heard and understood what our children are saying to us by reflecting back to them what they have said. So, for example if our child says to us that they are nervous about going back to school we can say back to them, oh it's seems like your feeling nervous about going back to school, that must be hard for you.

Children absolutely flourish when we give them this mindful attention. They feel important, listened to and loved. We can also bring this mindful attention to engaging with activities with our children. Rather than trying to do two things at once, for example play with them but also check messages on our phone we can give the activity we are engaged in with our child our full attention. When our mind wanders, we can bring our focus back to the activity, using our breath and our senses to anchor ourselves back to the “Here and Now”

It is also important to bring kindness and compassion to our attention. We can think of the kind of attention we bring to our children as two wings of the bird. The first wing is awareness and the second wing is kindness. I feel that children need both these qualities to really flourish and feel seen, understood and loved by their parents. Attention alone is not enough as there can be a quality of judgment or pressure about this. Love alone isn't enough as children also want and need to be seen, heard and understood. When we bring these two qualities of awareness and love together, we create the kind of presence and environmental that children will truly flourish in and that will give them the best opportunity for positive mental health and wellbeing.

When we think back to what we may have wanted we were a child it often come back to more of one of these qualities’ attention or love. Sometimes parents can become overly focused on providing children with material things or sending them to extracurricular activities but I find in my own work with children that what children most benefit from is attention and love. Of course children need to have their basic needs met, which include proper housing, safety, security, food and clothing but if there is a choice between a child having an expensive toy or day trip and loving attention, loving attention is always what is most beneficial for the child both in the short term and the long term.

It can be helpful to reflect on how much loving attention you are giving your child and if it is possible to give more of your time and attention to your child. For example, might it be possible to spend a little less time working or on your phone and computer and more time directing engaging with your child. It is important that as we do this, we cultivate kindness and self-compassion towards ourselves. It can be very easy to turn on ourselves as we reflect like this and begin feeling guilty and adequate. This is never the goal of mindfulness, it is simply about noticing how things are in this moment, without judgement and then gaining the awareness that we also have a choice in how we live our lives. Every new moment is a chance to start again.

We can also bring the quality of acceptance to our children. Often parents struggle with high expectations for their children. They want the best for them and can sometimes find it very difficult if their child is struggling or are different than what they expected them to be. I find this is particularly true if a child is struggling in school, is experiencing a mental health issue or has additional needs. Often parents are coming from a good place and only want the best for their children but children can pick up on this anxiety and unhappiness in their parents’ attitude.

When parents can fully accept their child for who they are in this moment, the parent will feel calmer and more relaxed and the child will feel more loved and accepted. In many cases I have seen when a parent brings a more relaxed and accepting attitude towards their child the issue that child experiences will begin to improve.

Parents can also bring a sense of gratitude to their attention. Just like anything in life the negativity bias can creep in with our parenting. Parents can easily begin to focus on perceived negative aspects of their parenting and difficulties their children might be having. By taking some time to purposely focus on the positive aspects about parenting and what they appreciate and love about their children this can really help parents develop a more positive perspective.

One of the most important mindfulness practices for parents is mindful self-compassion. I find in my work that parents often feeling very self-critical of themselves and often feel like they are falling short in some way and can compare themselves to others. I find that it is extremely helpful for parents to begin to cultivate a kind and compassionate attitude towards themselves particularly when they are struggling in their parenting. Practicing the “Self-Compassion Break” and “Affectionate Breathing” meditations by Kristen Neff during times of stress and difficulty can be particularly helpful.

Also, remembering to practice the “Be Kind” practice as parents interact with their children throughout the day. Noticing when the mind has wandered and bringing back the focus to the present through the breath and connecting to the senses. Also bringing a sense of kindness and compassion to the attention, realizing that all parents struggle and that you are doing the very best you can in this moment.

Reflective questions on mindful parenting

How does mindfulness practice impact my parenting?

What qualities do I want to cultivate in my parenting?

How has my parents parenting style influenced me now?

What is most important to me as a parent?

How does the practice of loving kindness impact my parenting?

How does the practice of gratitude impact my parenting?

Informal practice: Bringing mindful attention to our children.